If you are also like me, do you remember your first love being a follower of Christ?
Do you remember the moment when you realized what Jesus has done for you?
I was a little girl then, I felt the pain of Jesus, and I cried and cried.
But not so much about my own sins.
I cried because Jesus lived a sinless life, and He was hurt and punished.
It bothered me that He had to do it for me (or so I was told). I hated that He had to suffer.
After numerous Christmas services, and Sunday School classes,
Jesus remained as a concept for me, and He was as real as Disney characters.
Though, I think I cared about Him, and I assumed He cared for me too.
So often I prayed, and I assumed He listened.
Yet most of the time, I thought I was doing just about fine on my own.
Until I reached teenage years, when I finally encountered injustice. And when I was unfairly treated. And I realized I never knew what being ‘unloved’ was like. Reality was harsh. And I knew there had to be God watching over me, I needed God.
So I experienced more joy, and more strength, and more grace through prayers.
Then I grew up a bit older.
I was searching for the meaning of life. A life that will glorify God and remembered in heaven.
I realized the way I lived my life was far from what would satisfy God. I had to give up certain things in my life. Lay down my pride and plans. Be broken again.
And again I was reminded how Jesus had broken himself, so that I could be complete. I felt overwhelmed.
What? He died for me?
I was ashamed for the ugliness of my life. And I was grateful for being forgiven. And that was because of Jesus. He sacrificed His life to redeem me. So I was free.
That was the first time I said, ‘Take my life and do what you want with it’, when I was old enough to understand the weight of it. And I knew it was merely close to what the Son of God did for me, yet He filled me with affirmed love to let me know He valued my heart more than anything.
I found him, and He found me.
I was almost 15 then.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.
Traveling Mega
